We all know the Zombie Apocalypse is on it’s way, but whether it’s started or not is a question no one can answer just yet. Bath salts come into the equation, but after doing some checking, it turns out we’ve just got your regular kind of bath salts for making you smell nice, and not the type that makes you want to eat someone’s face.
Being that I’m pretty much an expert on everything, it will come as no surprise that I have created a guide to help you survive the Zombie Apocalypse. Go ahead and read it, I’ll wait for you. If for some reason you can’t flip the pages on my website, you can check it out on Britely.
Betty, Booze and Bazookas is the tagline Bad Parenting Moments has given my Zombie Annihilation Gang, and she, along with Ninja Mom, will be heading to the safety of little old New Zealand when the proverbial hits the fan. Are you coming too? Since most of my readers reside in the U. S. of A, you’re going to need a crash course in how to speak New Zillund so there’s no misunderstandings in the heat of the moment.
If you can translate this, you’ll be sweet:
Awww shit a brick, better scull your drink ’cause the one’s who’ve carked it are lurching around outside. Rattle your dags to the ute and tell the anklebiter this is no time to pack a sad or throw a wobbly.
You drive and I’ll jump on the deck with the bazooka. Go down that metal road full tit and head for the bach. We’ll be safe there. Zombies are a sammy short of a picnic so we’ve got time to put plan B into operation.
Good on ya mate, we’re home and hosed now. Wrap your laughing gear round this bottle of piss. Cheers.
If you need to chunder, the dunny is over there.
All clear? Good. I’ll see you all soon. Bring booze.
And a flamethrower.
Cheers.
Oh dear. I couldn’t understand any of that. I fear my chances during the apocalypse are not looking good!
It’s taken me 20 years of living in New Zealand to be able to understand it, so don’t feel bad.
Thank you for the valuable zombie tips. Also, I think that my time viewing Flight of the Conchords might not have been a total waste. I could actually understand of the commands.
I meant to say some of the commands. But apparently my command of the English language leaves some to be desired.
The Flight of the Conchord’s have done wonders for putting little old NZ on the map. So I guess you’ll be heading this way when the Zombies are unleashed?
http://www.guncity.co.nz/223-hornady-55gr-zombie-max-xidp242359.html
Essential for any Zombie apocalypse kit……..