Weird or inappropriate Christmas gifts
With Christmas just around the corner some of you may be struggling to find the perfect present for one of your loved ones. Lucky for you I’m here to help, or not.
You know what would make a great Christmas present? A magical unicorn mask of course.
But it would only be awesome if the person receiving it has the urge to re-enact this . . .
I can see our Mazda Bongo van getting a makeover in the near future.
If you prefer to wear your magical unicorn mask around the house, then I’ve got the perfect accessory – a wand TV remote.
Source: The Wand Company
Actually the wand remote is pretty cool, but you know what is even cooler? A Sonic Screwdriver remote control. I won’t be upset if anyone is suddenly overcome with the urge to get me one.
Got a skanky friend? For just $34.95 you can get them a set of plush STD toys. I can’t think of any other way to feel better about contracting an STD than to cuddle up to it’s corresponding toy.
For the girl who’s just started her period, this Temple of the Blood menstrual meditation CD is sure to delight. Apparently amazing things will happen when she listens to it – probably a deep seated hatred for the person who gave it to her.
The Ningen Gakki Human Instrument Machine turns human beings into instruments! Up to four people hold on to the metal contacts on the limbs of this device, and touch each other to produce different sounds. Perfect for the whole family. No wait, um, perfect for teenagers? Perhaps not. Ah yes, I’ve got it. Perfect for that swinging couple you know.
Some men like to prove how manly they are by ordering Indian-hot Chicken Vindaloo, claiming that if your eyelids aren’t sweating, it’s just not hot enough. But sometimes your local Indian takeaway likes a joke as much as the rest of us. For those moments there’s the Ring of Fire soothing after curry wipes to add a little tenderness to inflamed bung holes.
Wouldn’t it be a complete hoot to get someone who is conscious of their weight a set of Animal Scales. Just what we all want – scales that don’t tell you your exact weight, instead giving you a rough comparison of which animal your weight is closest to. Oh how they will laugh when they realise their weight is on par with a hippopotamus.
Foul old Uncle Bob not taking your hints about his halitosis? The time for subtlety is over with the Digital Bad Breath Checker. No need for him to be embarrassed with foul breath any more – apart from when he opens this present in front of the whole family.
And finally, the perfect gift for your mother-in-law and it only costs $1. What a bargain!