As every evil Overlord knows, unpredictability is a trait that keeps your Minions on their toes. They should never be able to guess your schedule or motives in case they try to thwart your dastardly plans.

If you find that you have been a little slack in this department lately, then your only option is to throw a tantrum that has your Minions completely flummoxed as to the reason for it. Throw in a bit of sobbing with big sad eyes and your Minions will be doing everything in their power to appease you. Reject all reasonable offers for as long as possible to ensure they start offering the good stuff to make amends for whatever silly thing they must have done to make you so unhappy. It’s probably wise to have a list of rewards that are acceptable to you before your tantrum, just in case the tantrum escalates to a point where you’re so worked up and exhausted that you accidently fall asleep. Don’t aim too high – chocolate and cookies are good, whereas a puppy, Ferrari or diamond tiara for your dolly is probably pushing it.

If you have a sibling, then declaring a tantrum day every now and then is worth your while. Keep the Minions on their toes by starting your tantrum when your sibling is calming down from theirs, and vice versa. After a few hours of this, a Minion will allow you to watch TV for the rest of the day.

A good tantrum should always go for a minimum of 15 minutes. Anything less than this just shows that you’re not making an effort. Some high-achieving toddlers have managed tantrums lasting a couple of hours – they are your inspiration and should be revered.

How to throw a great tantrum

A tantrum should generally follow these lines:

1. Anger at something -

someone looked at you
someone didn’t look at you
you don’t think red is a good colour for a ladybug
you asked to watch the Cars DVD and Mummy put on the Cars DVD, but you actually wanted the Cars DVD which is not the same as the Cars DVD that Mummy put on even ‘though it is
your banana broke
someone stole your nose

2. Screaming – All previous tantrums have caused some hearing loss for your Minions so it’s important to scream as loud as you can to ensure they are getting maximum effect. Aim to smash glass with your high notes. It is important to put your full concentration into your screaming so that your minion doesn’t do something interesting that might distract you.

3. Violence – Keep the Minions away by hitting and kicking in case their attempts to cuddle you prove irresistible . Throw yourself to the ground dramatically – if they have their backs turned or try to walk away, get up and move to where they can see you before throwing yourself to the ground dramatically again. Before starting your tantrum make sure you are somewhere with lots of objects within reach to throw.

4. Sadness – Sometimes, despite your best efforts, a Minion will walk away when you’re throwing a tantrum. You will feel sad that all the effort you’re putting in is not being appreciated. Your only option now is to start sobbing like your heart is broken. Your Minion will instantly return to offer comfort. At this point, if an acceptable reward is offered, the tantrum can wind down. If, however, that reward is offered too soon you can elect to escalate the tantrum again in the hope of a greater reward.

Follow steps 2, 3 and 4 again and again until you are satisfied.

If you liked this you might also like - How to achieve the perfect Mummy Tantrum and How to achieve the perfect Daddy tantrum

Did you know that leaving a comment has the magical ability to stop a tantrum?
Not one of my 2 year old’s tantrums, silly.
Leave a comment and stop me having a pathetic meltdown because nobody loves me!

just keep swimming on June 14, 2012 at 7:39 pm said:

I believe my daughter sat in the meeting to help establish these guidelines. Therefore, she will not need to read them to refresh her memory. Thanks!

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Wub Boo Mummy on June 15, 2012 at 8:19 am said:

I wondered who’s child that was. She has a good vocal range

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Dan H on June 14, 2012 at 9:29 pm said:

Wonderful…

Wub Boo Mummy on June 15, 2012 at 8:20 am said:

Thanks Dan

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Suzanne on June 17, 2012 at 9:32 am said:

Fab post! My Daighter used to throw the most almighty tantrums…..I say USED to, she is nw 10 and still has the ability!

Emily on July 19, 2012 at 2:50 am said:

My youngest son, Mason, throws awful tantrums very often. We found that he has a speech delay which we believe contributes to these tantrums but they are awful nonetheless! New follower from the TGIF hop!

Emily
http://birthofamom.blogspot.com