The other day I discovered my son “painting” Daddy’s car that we’re about to try and sell, with a rock! He’d done a good job too as he’d managed to get most of the panels, and the scratches were too deep to be able to buff out. Nice one son!
What is it about kids and their sense of timing? Actually it’s not just kids. If someone is ever going to come and bang on your door loudly, it will be when you have finally managed to get your baby to sleep. The loudness of the knock will be directly proportional to how long you’ve had to spend shusshing, and patting your baby to get them to sleep. The person at the door will always be someone you don’t want to see either – usually someone selling something you are not remotely interested in, a courier who has got the wrong house, or that person you’ve been trying to avoid for ages.
But back to kids and their timing. It’s guaranteed that if you’re steadily making progress from 495th in the queue on an important phone call, your child will manage to disconnect you when you get to 8th in the queue. I made the mistake of quickly ducking off to the loo and leaving the phone on a high shelf that there was no way my child would be able to reach. In the 45 seconds I was gone he had dragged the rocking horse onto his box of Megablocks, scampered up and grabbed the phone.
Another memorable phone call was when I saw a job advertised that looked interesting. So I made a plateful of snacks for my kids and had a range of activities prepared that would keep them occupied for at least half an hour. I had been on the phone for about a minute when my son came running through to announce that he’d done a poo in his pants. I mouthed to him to go to the bathroom and I would be there in a minute. Off he trotted while I continued talking to the prospective employer on the other end. After a lengthy silence from my kids I got a bit concerned so I started heading towards the bathroom to be greeted with the sight of my son trying to clean up the mess himself, and my daughter about to put her brother’s poo in her mouth. The prospective employer was just asking me if I had experience in XYZ when I screamed Noooooooooooooooooooooooo” at the top of my lungs.
The no-longer-prospective employer hung up on me.
I did manage to stop the poo reaching my daughter’s mouth ‘though, so I guess it was a successful day!
So there I was wondering how I was going to finish this blog post, when there was a loud smash from the kitchen. Leaping up I ran to the kitchen, leaving my unsaved work open on the computer. As I cleaned up the broken bowl on the floor and tried to keep Miss 19 months (yep she’s aged since my last blog post) from standing on the broken bits, I thought how ironic it would be that while writing about kids’ timing, there was a good chance that the timing of this broken bowl would result in Master 3 getting on my computer and deleting my work. And guess what? He was on my computer, but he’d just added his own thoughts to the previous paragraph (cxb bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb), and had moved on to doing a Google search for “hjkanhBTW”.