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Jul 04

They searched WHAT??

It’s time for another thrilling instalment of “They searched WHAT?”  - search terms that led people to my blog.  A whopping number of people found my site searching for porn or pron, an achievement I am immensely proud of, although I’m slightly disturbed at the same time.  I do have to wonder about the person who stumbled upon my blog in their search for Family Guy porn, or the one looking for sexy mammograms.  Whatever floats your boat I guess.

Funny slaving away kitchen
I couldn’t really figure this one out, and a Google search didn’t provide anything interesting, so I figured a kitchen porn picture would be appropriate in the circumstances.

Mmmmm, I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’m feeling hungry.

man-kitchen-sexy

How to spell wub boo
This is a tricky one. Let’s see it begins with ‘W’ and then… Nope, sorry can’t help you.

Fart fire
Contrary to popular belief, I don’t actually have a pyrotecnical arse. In saying that, ‘though, I take no responsibility for any evil deeds my farts commit once released from the depths of my bowels.

Sacrificing goats
My only sacrificial experience thus far has been with chocolate, and by sacrificing I mean eating it to appease me.  I don’t even use a ceremonial knife or anything, and the only intonations are “Om nom nom nom.”  Hey the God of Chocolate is obviously happy because so far none of that chocolate has gone to my hips.  Oh, wait…

Can marmite go bad in an unopened jar
No. While it’s in it’s state of unopendeness it is free from all influences – good or evil. Whether or not it turns to the dark side is dependant on forces present at the moment of opening. A toddler in the house will often awaken the dark side of Marmite, whereby it will use it’s mind control powers to encourage the child to devour and smear around as much of it’s dark, irresistible yumminess before the Mummy investigates why the child is being quiet.

marmite

Exercise keeps you fit
Are you trying to tell me something Google?

Sexy time cheering section blog Flight of the Conchords
Boy did this person strike it lucky – Sexy Time

How to store oat slice
I prefer to store mine in my tummy.

Toys sucked up vacuuming
I’m guessing that, like me, you’re trying to work out whether it’s a toy worth saving. Here’s a guide to the noises various toys make when sucked into the vacuum cleaner:

Clink, clunk – Lego
Floosh - Barbie clothing
Whirr kathump – Barbie head, leg, arm or torso
Whirr kathump shreeeeeeeeeeee “Buggrit” *stamps off to find something to poke it out with* - Bratz doll head
Clunk, clunk, splank – Hot wheels car
Clonk Sproing – wind up toys
Plink – crayon
……… – glitter (because that shit doesn’t vacuum up)
Mreeeeooowftzzzzzz – the cat

I’m pregnant and was abducted by aliens

Fran Drescher, is that you?

PS I’ve got the perfect maternity t-shirt for you

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