“Let the 2345 Mating Games begin,” announced the host of the show.
Chlamydia stood in line, waiting her turn to choose a topic as a conversation starter with her potential mate. Nervously flicking her mane of blonde hair, she reached into the bucket and pulled out a ball with the word ‘history’ written on it.
“Bugger,” she said as she jumped through the worm hole. History was not one of her strong subjects, just like it hadn’t been for her mother before her. A flick through common words from the 20th century had resulted in her mother thinking that Chlamydia was a pretty name for a girl.
As she re-materialised in a dense forest, Chlamydia felt the shackles snapping around her wrist. She took a deep breath before turning to see who had been chosen as her mate. He was ruggedly handsome, with brown hair and eyes, tanned skin and a muscular physique. As their eyes met he smiled, revealing the dimples in his cheeks and causing her to feel bubbly in the gusset. Blushing she looked down and surreptitiously checked out his package. She felt even bubblier as she noticed how well endowed he appeared to be through his tight trousers, and was grateful that for once her queef was silent.
“My names Steven,” he said, looking her up and down and smiling in approval.
“A beautiful name for a beautiful woman,” he said. “Shall we see what we’re doing?” He clapped his hands and a hologram of a woman appeared before them.
“To release the shackles that bind,
the mammaries you shall find,
watch the ancient day,
to calculate the way.”
As the hologram faded away, Chlamydia turned towards Steven. ”What does that mean?”
“I know what I’d like it to mean,” he said with a lecherous look towards her breasts, “but I don’t think they’d make it that easy.”
“I agree, and just for the record, easy is not a word that describes me.”
“Duly noted,” he chuckled. ”Shall we do some exploring and see if the riddle becomes clear?”
She nodded and followed him as he set off uphill. The long grass and tangled weeds made progress difficult, but gave them plenty of time to ponder the meaning of the riddle. After a while he shouted excitedly, “Chlamydia, look. Those two earthen mounds look just like a pair of breasts.”
Running to keep up with him, they arrived at the first mound and stopped to catch their breath. “Steven there’s a hole in this one.”
Peering inside they saw a wooden box at the far end of the small cave. Shackled together they couldn’t enter to retrieve it, so Chlamydia backed her small frame through the hole and hooked the box with her feet before Steven pulled her back out. Nestled inside the box was a thick book.
“Stephen King, The Stand,” he read. ”Are we supposed to read all of this?”
It took two days for them to get through the book; a book that finally shed light on how the human race had almost been destroyed. The horror of it all brought them closer together and there is a strong possibility that in this time Steven checked Chlamydias mammaries for clues to unbinding their shackles.
“I think we need to head back to where we started and try again to solve the riddle,” said Steven wearily. “I don’t think the book is what we were actually looking for now I come to think of it. This game show wasn’t designed around the need for intelligence.”
“I agree. I am, however, looking forward to returning and sharing the truth about our ancestors.”
It was late afternoon by the time they returned to the spot where they had materialised, and then it only took a few more minutes to find the clue left by the producers of the show.
“What is it?” asked Chlamydia.
“I saw one of these in a museum once,” he said as he began laughing. “It’s a watch with a calculator. A real technological dinosaur. This is how the ancients used to tell time and do mathematical calculations.”
“Are you supposed to wear it on your breasts?” she asked in puzzlement.
“Nope, you wear it on your wrist. But if you punch in these numbers, look what you get.”
“Five, eight, zero, zero, eight?”
“Turn it over.”
Comprehension dawned, and she giggled as she read it out, “Boobs”.
As their shackles released and the wormhole appeared in front of them, Steven turned to face her. ”How do you feel about us having a future together?”
“I can’t wait,” she said as they leaped through the wormhole to face the cheering audience.
← ∞ →
This short piece was written as part of a writing challenge set by Brain Tomahawk where I had to incorporate the following:
A copy of The Stand
Forest, year 2345
Characters (2 additional of your own choice) cuffed together, no phones (cuffs and communication units can be upgraded to your imagined future standards)
Genre: Chick Lit
638 words – yet again I have gone over the word limit.
I would love constructive criticism, so please feel free to leave a comment.