When The Bearded Iris and The Suniverse announced they were going to be holding a Craft Whores contest, I knew it was time to get my creative juices flowing again. Since my mind is terribly inappropriate at the best of times, the hardest part for me was deciding which one of my naughty ideas should be brought to life. That decision was made the moment I eased myself into my Brother-in-law’s car and spotted the terribly deformed gear stick. Every gear change caused me to wince as the rough edges pressed into my hand, and I started thinking of ways to make it more comfortable.
If you are easily offended then you might wish to leave this page now.
After a long search for the leather scraps left over from my days of making shoes for my little madam and her incredibly large feet, I began assembling my masterpiece. Then I had to decide which body part I would use for decoration – boobs or vulva. I figured I should probably make his favourite, but I wanted it to be a surprise so I had to be subtle about how I asked him. As he was heading out the door I casually asked, “Which is your favourite naughty part on a woman?” He didn’t even ask why I wanted to know, which just goes to show how desensitised he is to the random stuff that comes out of my mouth.
Introducing the gear knob makeover…
BEFORE
Gear knob chewed by dog
AFTER
To say my Brother-in-law was delighted is an understatement.
I think his single days will be over when the ladies see how well he knows his way around a vajayjay.
Detailed tutorial on how to make a vulva knob-stick cover
Meh, here’s a picture. I’m sure you can figure it out.
The paper hole punch works surprisingly well with leather.
Please note this is not a replica of my own vagina, because that would be so wrong. Let’s just say my browsing history looks rather interesting.
You get the sister of the year award for that, I’m sure!
I’ll add that to all my other awards that people have forgotten to give me.
Hahahaha bloody awesome Sue!!!!
xo
Why thank you Nikki
Dude you performed a sex change operation on a stick shift! Mad skills.
I’m adding that to my CV right now. Who wouldn’t want to employ me when they read that?
WOW! It’s lovely! AND so practical too! Look how happy you’ve made your Brother-in-Law. My favorite part is your browsing history though. You would have some serious explaining to do if your family didn’t already know what a nut-bar you are!
PS – ERMAHGERD, THERNKS FER ERNTERING OUR CRARFT WHORES KERNTERST.
So, after checking out my browsing history, did you find yourself unable to resist checking out the tutorial on how to make an origami vagina?
ERMAHGERD THERNKS FER CRERTIN CRERFT WHERERS. ERTS DA MAHST FERN U CERN HERV WERTH YER CLERTHERS ERN.
HAhahahh I never heard of a knob cover in the first place! Love it. Want to see someone get pulled over with one of those on.
Ooh, might have to get a hidden camera set up in his car.
Love the browsing history, but the craft itself is just beautiful. It made me laugh out loud that he didn’t even bother to ask why you were asking – and his reward is to drive with his hand on a vaganinny everywhere he goes. Well done!
Yep all the chicky babes are going to be so hot for him when they see his skillz
That is some good vulva! Well done. Well done. Has your spam or browsing history gotten any livelier with that awesome browser history?
BTW, I think you deserve bonus points for making it as a surprise gift. Altruism should be rewarded. Or is it altruism is its own reward? Too bad we can’t get Ghandi’s perspective on the gift of vagina gear knobs.
Ellen
I’m sure Ghandi would totally approve. In fact I reckon he would have been tickled pink if asked to endorse my Vagina Knob Cover™
Sadly, spam and search terms that land people on my blog have not become any livelier, nor did they with my last post which was a fiction piece where the main character was named Chlamydia.
these should start being standard – STANDARD – in every new car. sooo freakin’ fantastic.
Do you think so? I’ll start hitting up all the car manufacturers today
fantastic. the finished product AND the browsing history. I am especially fond of “how to origami a vagina.” The visual on that boggles the mind – I mean, what if you tried to pleat the original? Hmm…
But a question: does your marvelous gear shift cover ALSO emit new-car smell? Because that would be stellar.
No, of course not, it smells like fish.
Oh wait, no it smells like leather. Phew!
I think you win sister-in-law of the year. Of the lifetime. Of forever.
That is genius on so many levels.
Thanks for entering!
No, no, thank you. Most awesome competition ever.
LOVE IT!! Love the leather and well, just everything about it
Woohoo, that’s high praise coming from you. Thank you
That is fantastic and the search result “VaginaPagina” FTW!
Thank you. Hehe, I loved VaginaPagina too.
Oh. My. Gosh. This is fantastic and so hysterically funny! Are are talented in a Craft Whore kind of way. LOL
Whatever contest this is – you are sure to win this one. HAHAHAHA
Thank you for your vote of confidence, but you have to see the rest of the competition. Oh my there’s some great entries.