Bogey Wars – a game for girls aged 0 to 10 and boys aged 0 to 100

To have any chance of success in the Bogey Wars you must ensure you have an endless supply of bogeys. Therefore, it is imperative that your loving nature should be aimed towards those who have snot goblins hanging out of their nose. If they rebuff your efforts to kiss them, then try to be in the line of fire every time they sneeze. If your timing sucks and you miss out on your shower of snot particles, then your only option is to snatch their drink bottle or utensils they have been using and stick them in your mouth.

How to score points in the Bogey Wars

The Pick and Eat

Attempting to place in mouth, but stopped in the nick of time 1 point
Placing in mouth, but being ordered to spit it out 2 points
(bonus point if you spit it into someone elses hand)
In a public eating establishment, seen by everyone except those at your table 5 points
On stage during a kindergarten/school performance 10 points
(1 bonus point for each minute it takes to excavate your nasal cavity)
On stage during a kindergarten/school performance whilst staring directly at your
parent/teacher with a big grin on your face knowing they can’t stop you 100 points

The Pick and Flick
Younger contestants may find the flick manoeuvre difficult at first, so we recommend getting plenty of practice in. Ideally you should be practising when you go to bed and when you wake up in the morning. Flick towards your wall so you can easily gauge how well you are doing. Initially you will be flicking on the wall right beside you, but before long you’ll be getting it further away; and once you are really good you may be able to get it on another wall or the ceiling.

Flicking it on the torso of someone you know 1 point
Flicking it on the face of someone you know 2 points
(bonus point if you make a sibling scream)
Flicking it in someone’s food 10 points
without them noticing 100 points
Mesmerising a stranger with your booger-rolling technique and having them
so absorbed in horrified fascination that they jump when you flick it in their
direction 50 points
If you hit them 100 points
(1 bonus point for each minute you can keep their attention while rolling)

The Wipe and Walk Away

Fortunately the ability to snuffle your face all over someone’s clothes is a skill that we are all born with, and is often seen in the first few weeks of a baby’s life. Once a baby develops the hand-eye coordination required to insert their finger in their nose and extract this wonderful substance it’s game on.

Casual wipe as you walk past someone 1 point
(bonus point if it’s a stranger)
The slow motion wipe – whilst cuddling up to a loved one, slowly extract the bogey
then gently place a hand on their leg, allow it to sit for a moment before wiping it in. 5 points
The overly-dramatic fall and pretend to hurt yourself so you’ll be picked up for
cuddles technique is a fantastic opportunity to plant a booger on the person’s back 10 points
(bonus point if you get in their hair)
Mistake another person for your mum in the supermarket, grab on to their leg
and bury your face into them. Turn on the tears to distract everyone from
noticing the large streak of snot across the back of their thighs. 100 points
*Note, no child has ever mistaken someone else for their parent. It’s just a ruse
to gain points in this game.
Insist on one last hug before your parent(s) leave for a very important meeting
or event where they are dressed in their finest clothing. Aim to leave a large
smear on Mum’s bosom that she won’t notice in her rush to extricate herself
from you and get out the door. 1000 points
Bonus if they will appear on live television 1,000,000 points

Bogey Aesthetics

As with all challenges, style matters. 1 point is awarded for every centimetre that bogey hangs down from your nostril, which is why it is essential that you avoid any person heading your way armed with a tissue. Should you fail, then you must move your head from side to side to ensure the least amount of snot gets into the tissue and maximum amount is now smeared on your face.

Let the games begin.

If you enjoyed this then feel free to flick a comment my way. Make sure you roll it carefully with your thumb and index finger before flicking ‘though.

just keep swimming on August 21, 2012 at 1:01 am said:

Ewwww!

I’m glad I never go on life TV. My kids would be trying for 1,000,000 points all the time. I wouldn’t be able to sleep at night.

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Wub Boo Mummy on August 21, 2012 at 7:58 am said:

When I went back to work on the ambulance after having my son, he managed to smear snot on my bum. Out of all the times that I’ve been at a scene where there was a news camera, only once have they shown my face. The rest of the time they’ve zoomed in just as I bent over the patient – I’ve actually lost count of the number of times my bum has been on TV. Guess who’s snot-smeared bum made it on TV that day?

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